There is a good side to being unemployed. Actually, there’s a shiny golden, filled with stars and unicorns side to it if you have a baby – or two – . If the kids go to sleep at 1am you are not desperate! You can actually use your “what-the-heck-I’ll-just-sleep-in-tomorrow card”.

Part of me is really scared of going back to work and leave the girls, though…but the remaining parts all really want to order stuff from Pottery Barn. That’s pretty much how shallow people can actually be in this world… or I could just make up a speech about paying for their colleges and being able to buy a house for us… it would be noble, but I assure you deep down inside I would still be pretty moved by Pottery Barn.

I try very hard not to be addicted to shopping or food like my mom is, but I still feel like I am. Specially because my husband can go weeks without shopping and hours without eating… which just makes me a bigger shopper (??? is that a thing??? ) and, well, pretty fat.

So, I’m sending out resumes, in case you’re hiring (ha-ha) and hoping the girls start talking soon ’cause this whole guessing why they are crying thing is making me quite a bit insane. They are pretty good at communicating and understand everything we say, but, since they have their own language and have deep, long, conversations with one another, they don’t really feel the need to speak OUR language and that’s just hard for me! But, oh well… it’s not as hard as it used to be, for as little as I remember it.

Thing is – I’m so off-topic right now- I hear that women produce (produce?) some sort of hormone when they go through labour that makes her forget about the pain, so she’ll want to do it again. And that’s a real thing.

On my case, I have forgotten about the first months with the girls, in which I couldn’t really take a shower or go to the bathroom, not to mention leave the house, because they were always crying. Always! For 5 months, they were either sleeping or crying. But those memories are really just a blur.

I actually do remember the first 5 days with the girls and then it’s blur, blur, blur, 11 months! Which makes me believe that it’s when I started relaxing.

The weird, crazy, send-me-to-a-mental-hospital-right-now part of the story is that I’d do it again. I hated being pregnant, I hated going through labour (even though I had a c-section) but I’d do it again. And if I ever do get a job in this country (look at me, rescuing the original topic) and actually get pregnant again some day I just hope I don’t have quadruplets. I can totally handle 3 babies. – she said, as she watched her twins sleep and look completely possible to handle.

This Canadian air is making me lose it a bit, eh?

Good night, moms (and Gab) I’m off to watch something with Jared Leto on it (who by the way should multiply hanson-style as a favor to humanity, in my humble opinion).

Bye, now!

The perfect job

A few years ago, I was a different person. I was an artist.

Back in 1998 I got my first computer. I was fascinated by those plain 12 color HTML websites. I had to build one! I needed a theme and I chose my new favorite band, Hanson.

Back in the day, the official Hanson website had been build by the band members themselves and that made me believe that if kids my age could do that, I could do it too.

I learned everything there was to learn about it and I was determinate to start a career in graphic design. I spent endless hours studying those simple codes and I’d change the layout of my Hanson website every Saturday. I absolutely loved doing that, with all my heart.

The night before I was going to subscribe to graphic design school at the university my mom entered my room and said “Why are you doing this? Graphic design is not a career. Why don’t you subscribe for architecture instead, WHICH IS A PROFFESION?”. And, ta-da. Here I am. Michele, the architect. To make the story short.

Architecture school was very consuming. I studied during 3 shifts and when it was finally over, there was a whole world of php, css, C++ and so on out there which I knew nothing about. That made me sad, but I knew I had learned a lot about my true passion: drawing.

Although the effort during school gave me tendinitis and my free hand drawing ended up a bit compromised, I had fun playing with photoshop during presentations and putting together banners like this:


But then, things changed.

We are moving to a different country and suddenly my architecture diploma is not valid there. I’m nothing! Yet, I feel free… Which brings us back to 1998 and my original dream.

I applied for this job… this perfect, perfect job, where people would pay me to draw. But it’s not happening.

It’s not happening because I don’t know enough anymore. My portfolio is s%$# and C++ is a total stranger to me.

Luck is when preparation meets opportunity, right?

I was lucky and I met the opportunity. I’m not prepared, but I wish I was. I wish I was 20 and had the time to study this and be one of those geeks who know about video games and coding and all that. But I wonder how old is too old to start preparing ourselves for something new again? To change careers?

I met a doctor who graduated at 55. He was inspiring.

I’m lost and probably will end up washing dishes with an invalid diploma on my drawer and  a dream in the back of my head.

Frustrating, isn’t, it?

But at least my children will have a better chance at life and live in a beautiful new country where people have the right to be whatever they decide to. So, we’re happy after all.

ps: And my Hanson site is still on, if you got curious, it’s www.hanson.com.br =) ’cause it’s nice to feel 15 every once in a while and be allowed to dream.

Take care and wish me luck,