Remember Pink Floyd’s lyrics “Threatened by shadows at night, and exposed in the light.”?
Well, I am sure they’ve secretly written that for me.
I am afraid of the dark (duh, Ghosts!) and I don’t do well with lights.
I wish the twilight would last longer. So, the other day I photographed it just to be able to look at those colors whenever I felt like it.
I wish I could live in twilight.
Also, as I took those pictures I wished I had an actual camera to register that moment that was oh-so-calming and made me feel like I could actually take a deep breath after I had been so stressed out for such a long time and I was so happy the cel phone camera was actually able to capture those beautiful colors.
Sometimes, I am all about the smallest things. Sometimes I go a little overboard with that too…
See, I don’t have a camera. And judging by my bank account balance I’d guess I am nowhere near getting one. We need to buy important stuff like… ya know… food. So I try not to think about that and I’m happy with my cel phone pics.
Still, my husband’s dad came to visit us this week and unlike me, he has one.
That was it.
Suddenly, it was 1888 all over again. As he showed me his fancy new camera, I felt EXACTLY the same way I did when I was 6 and my next-door neighbor got the toy I wanted for Christmas! I. Wanted. To. Cry. Yes, I am a grown woman, I realize that! (Thank you) Therefore this time, not only I, again, couldn’t ask my MOMMY or my DADDY for the toy because they couldn’t afford it (just like they couldn’t in 1888 and I never mentioned it to them that I wanted my friend’s toy and not the scary bear I had gotten because I knew that was all they could give me) I also was not allowed to do that anymore even if they happened to be able to afford it because, well, I am the mommy now!
I do remember the feeling though, ’cause I have it on my throat right now. And I realize how much that moment (and several similar moments I had throughout my childhood) had influenced me ’cause whenever my kids want something, I think that if I tell them they can’t have it, they’ll feel like this AND IT SUCKS.
It’s quite hard being a 6 year-old in a grown-up’s body.
But then I got to play with it a little bit and my husband, who is basically uncle scrooge’s cheap cousin, felt my pain so bad I thought he was gonna run out of the house and get me an effing camera.
Here’s the result:
It’s a canon powershot G1X , in case you’re lucky enough to be shopping for cameras, pal. It wouldn’t be my camera of choice (I’d go for a Sony a5100 right now ’cause you have the option to accessorize it) but hey… who am I, really, to talk about cameras?
Yes, I still wanna cry a little bit.
That was basically my Thursday and I’ll admit, it’s SUCH a small thing. But see, other people’s world sometimes don’t make sense to us. That’s just the way it is.
Sorry, people. Remember, you are talking to someone who apparently talks like she believes in smurfs… so, don’t expect too much “normal” to come out of my mouth. One day I’ll be afraid of terrorists or killer virus. The next, I’ll be a 6 year old brat.
Have yourself a merry little long-weekend.
Papa Smurf knows how much we all deserve one!