Yesterday I was angry. Still, indecisive like I am, I just couldn’t decide whether or not it was worth it to put people in their places with my words or not.
Don’t get me wrong, I had a lot to say! But something inside me kept me from saying it. I needed to think about it first.
Yes, I am surprisingly mature.
Would they reflect on what I had to say? Most likely not.
Would they change? Definitely not.
So, what was the point, really? To proof that I was superior? To make me feel good? Well, I figured there were other ways of doing that, which didn’t require that much energy.
Fighting (arguing) can be pretty time-consuming and low-level. I personally don’t like it and I don’t do it unless I absolutely have to AND there’s actually a purpose to it. Like, it will solve the conflict or lead to some sort of conclusion.
First, I chose to just allow myself be angry.
Then, I talked to my husband (my mom, my boss & my best friend- haha) about it. I let it all out and discussed with them if my anger was unfunded or not.
It was not.
Then, we watched a nice little movie I love… ’cause… well, it was finally on netflix and you can’t say “no” to 16 candles (if you can, you are a very weird person)
The movie helped, but a while later, I was still upset.
At one point, I realized that I was upset for letting people get to me. It made me feel immature at some level. It made me feel quite stupid, actually.
Apparently, even the Bible agrees that only the stupid get angry, so I was on the right track:
At least I think that’s from the Bible. Right?
Then I googled “What would Jesus do”. – for real – I really, really did that – it wasn’t helpful AT ALL and I decided to actually create that website myself… ’cause that was just freaking genius!
Since googling “Jesus” didn’t help, as a last resort, I called my dad – who I have really been missing right now – and he laughed! He reminded me that we are the people that matter and that outsiders should not have the power to interfere with our lives.
My dad just calmed me down. And he did something important: He reminded me that the focus of my life now was my children. So, I should really not give a fuck about how this makes me feel and I should focus on “how is this affecting them?”.
As a mother, it is my responsibility to make sure I set the example for my children and I keep the bad examples away from them. I do not want to bring them up in an environment where people have completely different values than mine and whose attitudes towards life I consider immature, disrespectful and unhealthy.
I also believe that the people who genuinely care about my children will always put them first, like I will; like I see my husband and my parents doing. I mean, my husband sacrificed his career; people mock him for being a stay-home-dad but he chose that because he can see how important the time he is spending with our children is! He is a GREAT parent!
So, because of that, I tried work things out with these people, for they were also a part of their lives.
I called. 3 times.
No one picked up the phone.
All I got were rude immature answers back.
My children are only 3 years old and I am happy this happened now, when they are young enough not to understand what was going on. They are very loving and caring. They never fight. We will never hit them. We hug and kiss them so much they hug and kiss each other all the time. If you can’t behave nicely in front of my children, I will most likely cut you off, pal.
So, there you had it! This was not the kind of attitude I would tolerate around my children. I do not want them to grow up in a nasty environment and I most certainly do not want to see them acting like that when they grow up.
Unfortunately, to keep your immediate family values alive, sometimes I’ll need to cut some people off, for they will never change.
I’ll give them time and space to grow up and mature so they can be allowed around my family again for it is my job to make sure my girls will have all the reasons in the world to keep that big smile on their faces. I know life is cruel and they’ll figure that out by themselves soon enough. NOT at the age of 3 and NOT coming from the people who were supposed to protect them.
Not all souls have light. Some of them are still learning but it’s just something they’ll have to learn by themselves and NOT at the cost of my well-being.
Sorry, I can’t fix you. Not my job.
Late-late movie night, tonight!