To this day I had never made peace with the fact that I didn’t have a boyfriend in high school.
The truth is, whenever I watched a movie about that first love experience (like the season finale for stranger things), my heart would break a little bit. Even though it’s been 20 years and I probably should be over it. I guess I was not.
Part of me still thought I had missed out on something… ’cause we all know it’s so easy to be fooled by the exciting lives that are shown to us in the movies. I certainly hadn’t had that!
I mean… was there even a boy I had ever loved who never loved me back and I wish I had shared more memories with? Who was it that I loved again when I was 13?
Wait. I remember!
Yes, there was a boy, indeed! And man, was he a great one!
He had blue eyes and long hair. He played the guitar. He was the owner of the butterflies in my stomach for years throughout those high-school halls.
I absolutely remember that feeling. He felt like life. Excitement. Happiness. Love!
And oh, how I wished he could see how much fun we’d have together if we’d hang out! He was so perfect and I was …. well, kinda funny (funny-looking, for sure).
It never happened, of course – but we did hang out quite a bit…
Every day after school he would walk my best friend home, for they were good friends as well and we’d talk. We are particularly good at talking.
Time passed and my hormones finally kicked in (finally) and I met a few other boys – whose names and faces I don’t even remember – and I was interested on them in a different way. Sometimes, for no particular reason. It wasn’t like I wanted to talk to them for 10 years straight, or that they’d make me laugh or that’d just get along. And that’s when I learned about attraction.
I was not attracted to him.
Well, I should have seen it coming since my fantasies revolved around talking, laughing and staying a virgin ’til we got married (hahaha). But I was 13 and I was not aware of the fact that sexual attraction was a thing for couples (HAD I been aware of that, I might actually have gotten a boyfriend in high school, btw).
Still, we kept in touch. We grew up. We both got married. I have two girls, he has two boys and the reason I know that about him is not because I looked him up on facebook like most people would do with their first loves… it’s actually because I get to call him right after I finish writing this and tell him that I wrote about the first boy I ever loved, for he is still a big part of my life and one of my best friends.
And even though I never had a boyfriend in high school, it turns out I had the full experience. I had everything I thought I had missed. I was in love with a great boy who I was going to be able to talk to 20 years later and share memories that go way back.
When I was in high school I loved a boy who would forever be a part of my life, one of my best friends to this day, who will always make me feel better through my panic attacks and life surprises. And to me, that beats the crap out of any teenage movie final kiss scene.
So, thank you for that, Gui.