I’ve had a very, very short conversation with a random person who was walking by, just 15 seconds ago. He has a 14 year old daughter and he was looking for a Christmas present for her.
“It’s just her and me, you know.”
He said that in so much pain, or maybe that’s the way I took it.
When he told me that, I realized there was a young girl out there, growing up without her mom.
There are tons of girls there growing up without their moms, I know. But, still, this fear just took over my body instantly.
I do not want my girls to grow up without me. I believe that’s my biggest fear at this point of my life.
I can’t die right now. Not that I could ever… but it’s a different fear. It’s not the fear of death. It’s the fear of leaving my girl without a mom.
I look carefully to both sides before crossing the streets now and I make different choices.
I wasn’t trying to be hit by a car before I became a mom, but now, I’m just extra careful.
I try not to get too nervous – to the point when I’m shaking.
I try making healthier choices.
I can’t stand the thought of not being here for them until they’re able to make their own choices.
I do not fear for me anymore. I fear for them. But the fear is always there.
This motherhood thing is a pretty crazy one.