It is safe to say that I’ve been waiting my whole entire life for this specific Christmas.

There’s actually a song, by Hanson, called “At Christmas” that pictures a scene I’ve created in my head as the perfect Christmas. It kinda goes :

“The snow is falling down as you step out of your car, presents in your arms, and you’ve travelled far… someone opens the door with a smile on their face and you know you’ve come to the right place…”

And I figured as I listened to that for the past 15 years or so, you know, innocent person that I was, that we’d move to a place like Canada where Christmas is actually during the winter and BAM! that scene would just automatically happen.

I forgot I needed the whole scenario. The car, the presents, and in a even crazier fantasy, the house with the fireplace.

It’s stupid and materialistic. Yes. But day after day it’s just been us inside the house. Skipping thanksgiving and not being able to go for a ride and checking out the Christmas lights or anything. Or even just… go out at all.

The girls didn’t have snow boots and it’s just a whole list of stupid details that need money to be there. I’m glad they are too small to understand it’s Christmas, so, presents aren’t really an issue right now.

Still, we did get a tree, and that just made me really happy. I was not expecting that at all, but I guess my husband realized how much it actually meant to me.

I just wish we were settled, you know? With a job and a routine and not that “Damn… where’re about to enter our fifth month without a pay check”feeling in the air.

It’s still great, though. We’re just going slow on the details.

December 21st. Awesome day. We’ll get it together, I’m sure. Maybe on time for next Christmas…

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