There’s a considerable amount of people who hate me.
I don’t really care about the ones I hate right back, like the woman who used to live in the apartment bellow mine back in Brazil and my crazy aunt… but to find out that some really good friends I love deeply or people I admire hate me just breaks my heart.
Most people who hate me -and I care- hate me because of something I said… or the way I said it. For instance, there’s this beloved friend of mine, who I secretly spy on facebook from time to time, just to make sure he’s ok . Well, his dad killed himself and one day I managed to tell him “Please, don’t kill yourself.” Yeah, I said that. I actually SAID THAT. And that was it. Goodbye 15 years of friendship… goodbye all late night conversations and telling each other everything. The memories hurt and there’s no way back.
He’s not the only one, don’t be fooled. Too many people hate me. Which probably means I’m not a really good person.
A couple years ago, people would actually describe me as “sweet”. Either they didn’t know me very well or I ran out of sweetness.
I could always blame a guy or 5 for making me a much bitter person than I used to be when I was 14 and sweet, and bitter people take it our on the universe, as we all know.
But I’m not bitter anymore, my family is a freaking butter commercial I’m just not that girl dressing in black and crying herself to sleep anymore… I’m pretty sure I’ve invented emo. Is that still going on, by the way?
So, why do I keep getting people to hate me? I’m just a weirdo I guess. I have always been, really. Even back in high school… there were like 500 kids in my school who fit an specific pattern of normal and then there was me… the weird kid. I did manage to be friends with everyone but I was just plain weird.
When I got in Architecture school it was kinda nice -my formal roommate hates me by the way- because we were all a group of weird people. And after that, during engineering school I was trying my best to fake-normal but it was just an act.
Lucky for me, my husband was there. The weirdest weird kid ever. Reading psychology books during advanced algebra classes. He liked me for the weird and I was finally able to stop pretending.
People still hate me, though. I still talk to much. I still sound creepy and try too hard to please “the cool kids” even though Ashton Kutcher will absolutely never tweet me back and neither will Taylor Hanson’s wife, who probably hates me, even though she has no idea who I am, ’cause my comments on her blog are stupid and off topic. See? People just hate me.
I just wish I could change, but I can’t. I’ll always be me and more and more people will hate me. I might have to delete my facebook account at some point because having like 5 friends will be absolutely embarrassing.
I might be a really disappointing , cold, absent friend , worst secret keeper ever (for the love of GOD do not tell me a secret. I’m not curious and I just don’t wanna know for I WILL tell it to my mother. I just will.) and I sound creepy from time to time.
Damn… I hope my babies never hate me