The life I’ve always wanted

I have this picture in my head.. it’s me, making breakfast and watching the news -inEnglish-, as the kids get ready to school. It’s not a crazy dream, it’s just my dull dream. -not dull at all to me, may I say-

The hard part it pretty much done, I mean, at one point I thought I’d never had kids at all -pretty much around the time I was 27 and had never had a boyfriend, I’d say- but I still need to organize my life a little bit more so I can just sit down and enjoy being home.

Will that ever happen, though? Is it human nature to be always unsatisfied and looking for more? Would I need a butler if I had a made? See what I mean?

I’m very nervous right now, at a new country with no house of my own and no job (or  perspective) and no one but my husband around. I’m exhausted and also so amazed to be here… don’t get me wrong.

My parents and my best friend are coming for Christmas… and I’m a big fan of Christmas (i’m a BIG FAN of Christmas) and I hope I’ve got a few more things figured out by then.

Fine, I’ll say it: I miss having my mom and my dad and my grandmother AND the nanny helping with the girls! I miss going to the bathroom without hearing a baby screaming on the other side of the door! I’m tired. I’m so tired all the time. My feet at huge from never sitting doWn anymore and my hungry and moody. 

I’m a terrible, terrible, terrible mother who doesnt have any energy, and I cant drive or cook! I admire so much you guys who can do it on your own and the women with a bunch of kids who still manage to brush their hair every day! I’ve stopped brushing my hair, wearing make up and match my clothes the minute I got to Canada! Seriously. Unfortunately.

It’s just a phase, I know, but, meanwhile… could someone PLEASE come visit us?

Thank you.

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